40 by 40 – update!

I thought I’d take a look and see how I’m progressing. Slowly, would be the word, but I can knock a few things off!

1. NYC trip with Mom & Sister

2. Lose 60lbs

3. Run 5k race, no walking

4. Finish HR certificate DONE! I completed my last course in December and just received my certificate in the mail!

5. Take Italian cooking lessons

6. Take cake decorating class

7. Sort & File photos

8. Take swimming lessons

9. Anniversary trip to Vegas with Hubs

10. Buy a new cookbook, try 1 new recipe from it each week

11. Take a yoga class

12. Take a fitness class

13. Start a family tradition with the boys

14. Family trip to Disney

15. Take a wine class/tour

16. Make 40 donations of blood

17. Go to a Leafs game

18. Volunteer

19. Go on a hot air balloon ride

20. Learn to knit

21. Learn to sew

22. Go to a professional football game DONE! Hubs, my sister, her boyfriend and I caught a TiCats vs Argos game on Thanksgiving weekend. We had fun! I still don’t get football.

23. Plant a vegetable garden

24. Build something, using real tools and materials

25. Bake a cake from scratch

26. Go vegetarian for 1 month

27. Give up something for Lent

28. Read 40 books

29. Find the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe

30. Treat myself to a very fancy, expensive, delicious dinner

31. Get a psychic reading

32. Take a photo a day for an entire year

33. Take up canning

34. Take the boys to Ottawa for a getaway

35. Make my own cards, start a collection

36. Pay down debt

37. Change diet – eat more whole, clean foods

38. Complete 40 pins from Pinterest

39. Go gadget-free for a weekend every other month for a year

40. No TV for a weekend every other month for a year

5 Years

5 years and 1 day ago, I celebrated my 31st birthday. I was on a high! 2009 was going to be MY year. I was engaged, planning a wedding for July and we were talking about when we’d start trying for babies. I think we went out for dinner and hubs (then fiancé) spoiled me.

5 years ago today, was the worst day of my life. I ended up calling in sick because I threw my back out and was hopped up on pain killers for most of the day. That wasn’t the worst of it, though.

I remember the moment like it was yesterday. The doorbell rang around 4:30pm. I didn’t know who it could be and I don’t usually answer the door unless I’m expecting someone. I peeked through the blinds and saw the shoes of my sister and mom. I thought, awe! They’re here to surprise me for my birthday. At the time, my Mom and Dad lived 2.5 hours away so I didn’t see them on my birthday.

Then what happened next was the most devastating moment of my life. I opened the door, excited, only to see the tears and sadness in their faces. I screamed out NO and started bawling.

I knew why they were there. My Mom and Dad always said if ever there was bad news, they’d deliver it in person.

My Dad had died. I knew he wasn’t just sick and in the hospital. I knew this was it.

They came in and in a blur my Mom explained her day. I was beside myself. I called hubs and told him to rearrange step-thing’s pick up because I needed him home and didn’t want her to see us all upset. He was a dream and did everything he could to support us.

The next week was a blur of funeral and grieving activities. My role in the family is the rock so I held a lot of my pain and sorrow in until well after the funeral. I think about my Dad every single day and see him in the faces and personalities of my boys. I’m grateful they remind me of him, but I wish so desperately he could have met them. He would have been an amazing Papa and they would have adored him.

My birthday has been bittersweet for 5 years. I know that my day should be a happy one, but now it’s marked by the saddest day of my life. This all brings me to this year. I’m certainly feeling quiet and a bit down, but my family, and especially Hubs, did a great job of celebrating me yesterday. Today, I remember my funny Dad and miss him as much as I do every other day of the year. 5 years has flown by.

2009 started terribly, but ended pretty well. My Mom moved to our city to start a new chapter in her life. We got married. I got pregnant with Thing 1 and we prepped our lives for our new addition. I can’t believe how quickly 5 years have gone by and how much we’ve jammed into those years. I’m sure my Dad is watching over us. I hope he is.

Mid-January

Where is the time going?!
I can’t even believe we’re in the middle of the month. My birthday is in less than a week!

I have been working on my resolutions! Not one to forget about them by January 2nd, I have already started the organization. I purged baby clothes and started in on mine. I’ve been working on healthy eating and have set up the workout room so I can get started on the weights again.

I’ve tried to be mindful of what I put on my plate when it comes to stuff that occupies my time and brain. I have a long road to travel on to get to a point where I can relax and stop trying to do it all, while doing a little of everything not well. I am contemplating yoga. I wonder if that would help to mellow me out a bit. If nothing else, it’ll be another hour dedicated to “me” time.

Farewell 2013; Hello 2014!

Well blog, it’s been a while. I’m sorry. I have thought about a million different entries to post, but I was just so busy in the Fall.

Let’s recap the year:

  • I settled back into work after maternity leave
  • Thing 2 stayed home with his grandparents, which made both of our transition much easier. It was also a great opportunity for the 3 of the grandparents and Thing 2 to  bond. I’m really glad we were able to have that experience with both boys
  • We spent time in the backyard creating a new garden and doing some light landscaping
  • We spent lots of time at the cottage this year, which was awesome. It keeps getting easier and easier to go there with the boys. Bonus, they love it!
  • I worked on the last 5 classes for my certificate and finally finished it up in December. It feels awesome to have that off my plate
  • Speaking of my plate, it felt over full this year. I felt overwhelmed a lot and couldn’t keep up with life and house management. I broke into tears more than several times and admitted I needed help to get things done
  • I started working out and was in quite a groove until I started travelling for work and just didn’t have the time. I’m sure some could argue that I should have made the time, but with 15 hour work days, I had no time
  • I travelled a lot for work in October. Visited 4 provinces in 5 weeks and left the family at home to fend for themselves. We all survived and I’m happy for it. We all missed each other and I’m pretty sure Hubs was so ready for me to get home, but we made it. I think it was probably a bit eye-opening for him to see everything I manage on a daily basis

So here we are at the end of the year. I probably had my lowest opinion of myself this year and came to a lot of realizations on how to make some significant changes moving forward. As such, I’ve developed a theme for the upcoming year and a few resolutions.

2014: This will be the year I declutter: The home, my thoughts, my life, my body

My resolutions include:

  • Declutter and get organized
  • Get into a healthy habit of eating and exercising
  • Blog at least once a week
  • Stay off the gadgets when the kids are awake and around. I don’t want to be that mom who misses their lives because my nose is in twitter or facebook
  • Don’t sweat the small stuff; try not to sweat the big stuff too
  • Don’t overload my plate because I think I should do everything. I can’t do everything. No one expects me to

On that note, it’s time to enjoy the last of 2013 with my family. I’ll see you next year!

Happy New Year!

Making it a Habit

So I’ve realized working out is becoming a habit. Phew!
I’m coming over the hill of struggling through the first few weeks and getting used to my new schedule.

I was really looking forward to tonight’s workout. It was the last of week 3 and the plan was to increase my weights tonight. I was excited to see if I could do it. And I could! I have now increased my weights by almost 20lbs! I didn’t start with Barbie weights either. I am really impressed with my resolve to do this and with my body and how it’s getting stronger.

While I can’t see any changes yet and I don’t really feel like my clothes are getting bigger, I do feel my strength increasing. I mean, obviously it is since there’s no way I could lift this stuff 3 weeks ago.

I was hoping Hubs would make it to our workout tonight, but he wasn’t up to it. I can see myself in him. He’s at the point of wanting to do it, but when push comes to shove, there’s a reason not to. I get it. I really, really do and I’m not pushing him. We talked about it tonight and I told him, when he’s ready, I’m so ready to workout with him. If he isn’t ready yet or just plain old doesn’t want to, that’s fine. I don’t want him to make excuses to me. It’s not going to work until he’s ready to do something about it.

I guess that was my breaking point a few weeks ago. I’d had enough. I was ready. He’ll get there. Especially if he wants to keep being stronger than me!

Moving ahead

Hello blog,

How have you been?
Me? I’ve been insanely busy. I’m completely exhausted.

Last week was so busy with work and home, especially with Hubs being away for a few days on a work trip. My boys, bless their beautiful faces, are exhausting. Between the whining of the from the big one and the early (we’re talking 4:30am) wake-ups from the little one, I was dead tired heading into the weekend.

But, I’ve been doing well. Sticking to the program, mostly. I am into week 3 of New Rules and I feel stronger. I have moved up to heavier weights and I feel awesome.

I have been tracking my food intake and there are some more changes that need to be made there. While I’m usually within my calorie budget, I am not eating as cleanly as I should be and I think I really need to crack down and get rid of the last of the junk I’m ingesting.

So that’s my goal for this week. Clean up the daily intake. Cut out the junk. Keep going with New Rules and be proud of myself. I suppose that one leads to a confession. I feel really shitty about myself right now. I have to keep reminding myself that making these steps forward are what will help me feel better, but I am really down and not a very nice friend to myself.